I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
