I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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