my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
