We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
