I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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