Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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