lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
