So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
