i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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