My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just want nice things and good sex
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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