nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
