I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
