Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
