Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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