i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I've blown a few things in my day
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
