thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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