considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize