Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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