I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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