oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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