he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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