so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
