i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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