Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
