I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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