I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
