I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
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I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
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Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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