we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
