your parents love me but you hate me
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
