i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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