i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
