WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
