soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
