dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
FUCK WHALES
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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