Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize