He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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