he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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