I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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