Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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