Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
