I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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