I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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