Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
