There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
