So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
