I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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