I will die if light touches me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
