just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
