yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
