Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
