glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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