So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?