turn off your phone and go to bed
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"