If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.