Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?