i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.