If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?