I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am naked and annoyed.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
