A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?