I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize