he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
