the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
