i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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