he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
