I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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