i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize