I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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