I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
