I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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